Christmas Eve

This year I decided to go for the totally unconventional. In fact, I didn't even try to make a proper menu. I opted to try 2 dishes that I've been wanting to make. The first, I found through Epicurious as I was poking around one day. The other I searched for. I had a craving for something that I haven't had in years. The restaurant is now closed. The only way to get what I want is to make it. So I did.

I grew up in Southern California next to the epic mall, South Coast Plaza. For anyone reading this who is unfamiliar with the area or the mall itself, let me suffice it to say that you have to cross a busy city street in order to get to the annex part of the mall. This annex, called Crystal Court, is as large as a "normal" mall; three stories, 2 major department stores, restaurants, hair salons, and retail stores a-plenty.

Coming of age in this area made finding a job rather easy...if you wanted to work in retail. I wasn't opposed to the idea. So, I found myself ironing linen skirts, selling Egyptian cotton sheets, and wearing battenburg lace collars at Westminster Lace. Across the "hall" was the compelling force behind this post: The Magic Pan. If you do a search for this place online, you will find that I am not alone in lamenting its loss. So, if you look, you can find recipes for their old favorites like the Chicken Divan crepe. My favorite was their cheese fritters. Imagine a savory beignet topped with finely shredded Parmesan and served with a sweet mustard sauce, and you will have see what is in my mind's eye.

I found the following recipe via the websites with recipes posted. I checked several and everyone had the same recipe posted for The Magic Pan Cheese Fritters. I gave it a go tonight. Though they were good, they weren't as good as I remember them. Even as I tasted these, which were good, I started tweaking the recipe in my mind for future use. I may never make them to compare with the memory of those beloved little morsels, but I will try.


Here's the recipe.

Magic Pan Cheese Fritters

1/2 cup milk
1 oz. blue cheese, crumbled
1 1/4 all purpose flour
1 T. baking powder
3/4 t. salt
dash cayenne
3 med. eggs
6 oz. of grated cheddar cheese
vegetable oil
grated Parmesan cheese

In small saucepan heat the milk and bleu cheese over medium heat until the cheese melts.
Mix together the flour, baking powder, salt and cayenne in a mixing bowl.
Add the milk and bleu cheese and mix thoroughly.
Add eggs one at a time and mix until blended.
Add cheddar cheese and blend for a couple of minutes.
Drop the mixture into fritter shapes into hot oil until light brown.
Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese.

Dipping Sauce
1 cup salad dressing (Miracle Whip?)
1/4 cup prepared mustard
1/4 cup sugar
dash of lemon juice

Mix all ingredients.

In the future, I will increase the blue cheese by 1/4 cup. I will use sharp instead of mild cheddar. I will cut the dipping sauce recipe in half. Even if I cut it to 1/4 I'd have enough.

It's Christmas Eve-Eve.

It just occurred to me that I could blog about what I cook. I was doing that for a bit, but I haven't posted anything food related in quite a long time. As I have started to read Homesick Texan's blog, I realized that I too could write about what I eat and why.

Now that I am beyond the initial frenzy and fatigue that being a new mom entails, I have begun to really cook again. For me, food isn't just a source of nutrients. Food is a language. In fact, the only conversations that my parents and I can engage in without fear of conflict revolve around food.

My mom tells me what she bought on sale and where, how much she paid, how she prepared it, and what she did with the left overs. (There are always left overs.) When she comes to my house, I hand her my newest cook book for her to peruse. She'll call out recipe titles that she finds "interesting."

My father also tells me about the food he's been having lately. He's more of a restaurant patron these days. So he'll tell me about the Chinese "joint" that just opened up, the microbrewery that he wants to take my husband to, the only decent Mexican food they can find, etc. Everything has to be pretty cheap for my dad to even consider it.

I guess that's another family tie. We're all bargain shoppers. So, if we can get a bargain on food. Damn! We're all over that. And then we tell each other because there is a certain level of respect earned for finding an exceptional deal.

Lately, I've become more grounded in my roots in this way. In the recent past I'd gotten used to buying what I wanted, regardless of cost. If I wanted smoked salmon, I might not buy a ton of it, but the price per pound wouldn't put me off. These days, everyone is more cost conscious. In these leaner times, I am grateful to my parents for giving me the chops to buy and use what's on sale.

I'll start with my first recipe post tomorrow.

Happy Holidays!

President-Elect Obama

One week ago, the world watched with rapt anticipation.  Electoral votes grew to landslide proportions.  Barack Obama is kicking Bush out of the white house.

The following morning, my family took a walk through our neighborhood.  It seemed that everyone was riding on a high.  The nation is euphoric.

Already there is news about what Mr. Obama will do when he takes his seat in the Oval Office.  He is working with his VP to evaluate every person appointed to a job by the Bush administration.  Change is a-coming, and none too soon.

Some Blogger I Am!

My last entry was about three months ago. My darling son is growing so quickly! He's been keeping us on our toes. We just sent out an update with photos to folks. He turned three months old on September 26th. Wow. Time really does move at lightening speed when you watch a baby grow.

I'm really fortunate to have a lot of mom-friends. I remember Redhead Momma telling me that she wishes that she could just hold her kids as babies one more time. As I held him as a screaming infant, I remembered that and felt zen in the moment even as it was happening. I'm not trying to imply that he doesn't scream his little head off at times, but these are rare and are generally foreseeable. (OOPS! He hasn't eaten in 2.5 hours and he's been making loud sucking noises as he tried to eat his own fist.) We're all settling in to a nice family routine.

I know now that he will wake up at about 8:30am. He will then be awake for about 2 - 2.5 hours. Nap by 11am. Nap again at 2:00pm. Nap again at 4:00pm. Micro-nap at 6/6:30pm. Sleepy head yawns start at about 7:00 - 7:30pm, depending on the duration of the previously mentioned naps and the amount of activity he's seen that day. Asleep by 9:00pm. This is moving forward. When he was 3 weeks old, it was 9:30pm. Now it's more like 8:00pm. He wakes to eat every 2 - 3 hours, with the duration getting longer as he sleeps. Then, starting at 6:00am, the time between feedings quickens as his body prepares to wake. That's our day. Repeat for tomorrow.

Personally, I'm doing really well. I've lost 30 pounds of pregnancy weight. People feel free to ask me how much I gained with him. The [rude] question is nebulous. I was on a crazy diet prior to my wedding, AKA his conception. See prior posts to understand the severity of the restrictions. I'll summarize as: absolutely no sugar, or anything that turns into sugar in the body, such as starches, alcohol, fruit, etc. So, I'd lost between 20 - 25 pounds prior to my wedding. I then gained weight quickly when I was pregnant. I believe that this was more of my body equalizing back to my "normal" weight rather than the pregnancy weight kicking in. Regardless, if you put me on a scale on my wedding day and then measured me on the day I gave birth, there was about a 50 pound differential. So, I've lost 30 pounds of it. I was hopeful that it would keep dropping off as I continue to nurse him, but even nursing mothers need to exercise to get the weight off, or so it seems to me anyhow. Or maybe not? Maybe I'm just hoping to lost 10 more pounds the "easy" way.

I hope that the above paragraph doesn't lead you to believe that I am stagnant and reluctant to move my body. Actually, I've been doing an easy yoga routine in the mornings to wake my body up and get myself limber enough to start a "real" yoga practice again. I've also been walking a fair amount. We regularly walk in our neighborhood. Last week I walked about 2.5 miles just to pick up a ream of paper from the office supply store. I could have driven, but it was a great excuse to get out of the house and stretch my legs.

Baby loves our walks too. He's a tree hugger for sure. He cranes his neck to see the tops of the trees that we walk under. He hasn't yet noticed the geese, the squirrels, or the butterflies that I've tried to show him. He's not far from that, however. He's curious and observant. I'm sure we'll have made those introductions in the next two months.

I'm going to log off very soon as I've been working tirelessly (though I'm tired!) on tax preparation. As Redhead knows, I've had a lot to do in this regard. I'm happy to say that I am 3/4 of the way done. The last bit will be easy. I expect to be done by the end of this week. I can't believe that this project is almost off the list. It's been looming for what feels like an eternity. I think now's a good time to list some of the things that I'll do with the free mind-space that I will create when I can archive these records:

• Organize my filing cabinet (I know, sexy)
• Import photos into Aperture and begin working with them
• Project 1) Flower macros
• Project 2) Greece
• Project 3) Laos/Thailand
• Project 4) Japan
• Hang pictures around the house
• Start doing yoga several times a week (again)
• Start a scrapbook for baby (Thanks for the links RHM! They are awesome!)
• Cook!

I feel like I'll have more time, not just head-space. This is because in the effort to avoid doing what needed to be done (taxes) I would squander time doing pointless things like playing mah-johng or solitaire on my computer or phone. Now that I am working on the biggest of the TO DOs, I feel like I can tackle the rest of them almost without effort.

Thanks to RHM for inspiring me. I knew that this needed to be done, but as I read about your "home work" and your struggle to finally get to the end, I was inspired to find that day for myself as well...the day when you can go to bed and rest easy because you've done the biggest thing that has had your attention for months and is suddenly a non-issue.

Wish me luck. I'm hoping to finish by end-of-day Friday.

M

2 Week Well-Visit with Pediatrician

We took Tristan in for his first doctor's visit.

My son is 2 weeks, 4 days old. When he was born he weighed 7 pounds, 14 ounces. Today he weighed in at 9 pounds, 13 ounces. That's right. He's gained almost 2 pounds in 2 weeks. He's also 2 inches longer than he was born.

I'd intended to write more than this, but caring for baby took priority. So, I'm posting as is... More later.

Me Time

A couple of days ago my husband surprised me by suggesting that the next day, if Tristan was asleep at the same time, that he could take him out for a walk or stay home with him while I went out so that I could have some time alone. I asked him, "Did your book suggest that?" Yes, it did. We still haven't made the break that sees me without another person around. When we've tried to run a quick errand (to Whole Foods, three blocks away) or started a walk (we got four blocks that time) baby's belly seems to realize it's vast hunger and he starts to fidget and cry for food.

In case there is any question, I did feed him prior to these outings and we checked his diaper as well. The deal is, he eats hourly sometimes, and you just never know when he's going to be ok for a 2 - 3 hours, or when a cluster feeding is mid-swing.

So far, I've been reluctant to let baby out of my site for this reason. I know that I could pump and send Dad off with a bottle, but I'm really committed to breast feeding and multiple sources have stated that to avoid nipple confusion, you need to keep bottles and pacifiers out of baby's mouth for a minimum of 3 weeks, but ideally 4 - 6 weeks. This doesn't seem like a big deal to me, so I'm going with it.

What this means is that in the 2.5 weeks since my son was born, I've only left the house 4 times. 1) Follow-up doctor's appointment 2) Trip to the Elephant Pharmacy to get diapers, etc. 3) Failed trip to Whole Foods 4) Failed walk around the Lake Merritt

Oddly, I'm not cagey yet. In my marriage, I am the, "Let's go do something" force. My husband is the, "It's so nice at home" energy. Since the baby was born, he's been happy to run errands (formerly a source of frustration and angst for him) and I've been happy to be at home.

New parents are bombarded by the message, "Your life is never going to be the same again." I'd like to say that the root is deeper than that. I may never be the same again. As I sit here contemplating that, I wonder what it is I want to be in this new life. I've been looking for big changes for a long time. Now that I've moved into this future, I want to know what is next. (How typical of an Aries woman.)

I have been off work now for nearly six weeks. In this time, I've been able to observe my husband while he works at home. He's so good at maintaining a balance in what he does. He works out. He cooks. He cleans. He talks with friends & family. He surfs the internet. He takes walks. He goes grocery shopping. He does laundry. He fixes things around the house. And he puts out new leads for work.

I have done much less. When I was more mobile, pre-labor, I cooked, cleaned, did laundry, surfed the internet, and prepared for baby. Now I feel like I do even less. Now I sort laundry, cook sometimes, surf the internet, read, & nurse my son A LOT.

I know that this time is temporary. I know that I will get back into my own stride. I know that I will start to "live" again. But I feel like I must make some decisions about direction. I don't want to look back at myself in 10 years and realize that I've done a kick-ass job at raising my son, but haven't done anything that feeds my creative spirit.

Time to check on baby...

Family and Friends,

Greetings and salutations! We know you've all been ravenous for baby information and it's definitely time to satiate your appetites.

First things first: Tristan Stewart was born on June 26 at 5:22 a.m. after 32 hours of labor (we checked into the hospital on Tuesday June 24). M had to be induced and the labor was very hard, to say the least. Thankfully Tristan was born in good health, if just a little stressed from the ordeal. He was pink, squirming and screaming like a good boy.

We were finally released from the hospital on Friday and we've been home ever since. Maddie is very tired, but recovering with surprising speed and vigor. Tristan is eating like a champ and catching vast, wonderful three-hour chunks of sleep. His mood has improved greatly since leaving the hospital—no doubt he was a little traumatized by all the poking, prodding, stethoscopes and lab coats. I know we were.

We're going to lay low for a few weeks while M recovers, but we'd love to have small groups of visitors. Tristan can't wait to meet all our friends and family. We'll be in touch to arrange hang-outs, cooing and cuddling.

Talk soon!

Love,

D & M

Week 41

Today marks the 9 month anniversary of my wedding. I had started to wonder if perhaps baby was waiting to hatch on this day - the 9 month anniversary of his conception. Well, labor hasn't started yet and it's nearly 10:00pm. It doesn't look like today is the day.

So, again I have to let go of my own conceptions of what his birth will be and/or when it will happen and just BE HERE NOW.

Today I went in for my second acupuncture appointment since I hit 40 weeks. My practitioner gave me a hug on the way out and declined to put me on her schedule. She doesn't think that I'll need another session. She believes that baby is on his way.

Tomorrow I go in for the non-stress test. They will be monitoring baby's movements and heartbeat, checking amniotic fluid levels, and evaluating his general well being in the womb. My acupuncturist feels confident that he is well and I agree completely. She noted that I don't have any swelling of the feet or ankles, that my pulse is strong and steady and that my body seems at ease and full of chi. She said that my pregnancy is the strongest that she has ever seen. I have to admit, except for a few bumps in the road, like indigestion, I have to agree.

After the non-stress test, I have my routine weekly prenatal appointment. The difference with this week is that my doctor will not be the attending physician. She will be working with the residents at the hospital, so she wasn't available to see me. The person that I will be meeting with will be a resident. I'm not sure if I should be concerned about this. I've heard of women who have gone into labor after a pelvic exam. I've heard of doctor's stripping membranes without consulting with the patient in advance. Even if neither of these fears is founded, I was also told that we would enter into a conversation about induction at this appointment. I would feel much more comfortable navigating this road with my doctor who is an osteopath and whom I trust. I DO NOT WANT TO BE INDUCED unless it is medically necessary for my health or the health of my baby.

So, I intend to push back tomorrow in this conversation. I won't let anyone near me with a needle or schedule a time to rupture my membranes until Friday at the earliest, and preferably on Monday - the start of Week 42. Of course, it is my hope that my acupuncturist is correct and I won't need further measures to see my labor start a natural course. If I come out of my appointments tomorrow with a date that they will induce, I will call my acupuncturist straight away and request another appointment (or two) prior to that date.

I've finally packed my bags (1 for labor, 1 for the hospital stay). I've got baby's coming home outfit in the dryer right now, so that will be in the bag by the end of the night. I have written the thank you cards for the gifts we have received to date. I've got food stocked in the kitchen. If he came tomorrow, I'd be ready. If he doesn't come tomorrow, I'll keep working toward feathering my nest...and finishing the project I mentioned before. I'm almost done. I'd better get back to that now.

40 Weeks 4 Days


Still no sign of our son. I had hoped that he would come by now, but for a very silly reason. I wanted him to be a Gemini, not a Cancer. What difference does it make? In reality, none. I've always read that Aries (me) & Cancers have a harder time relating than Aries & Geminis do. So, I'm a little superstitious. Perhaps this is the first of many lessons that my little boy is here to teach me. The understanding that at best he'll be on the cusp and realistically he'll be a full on Cancer made me identify what's really important - he is.

I had been secretly hoping for his arrival today because 1) He'd be a Gemini 2) He'd have Summer Solstice as his birthday 3) He'd share his birthday with John Taylor, the bassist for Duran Duran. Oh well. June 20th is past tense. So, I move on.

Now I don't care when he comes. I just want him to come without medical induction. I didn't think that I would succumb to the folklore that is supposed to ease a kid out, but I started working to quicken the pace on the due date. My husband and I have been doing our homework: i.e. making love often. I've been walking. I went to acupuncture and had the points for labor stimulated the day after my due date. I've started using Evening Primrose Oil. We went for Indian food yesterday and I ordered one of the dishes "Medium." We went for tacos today and I ate the jalapeno carrots. (Spicy food is supposed to be a trigger.) I've even had a conversation with baby to let him know that I'm ready for him to come. I was trying to encourage him to come today since he'd have a solstice birthday and it would be cool to celebrate your birthday on the longest day of the year. Clearly, he has other plans.

In reality, he probably senses that I am not fully ready. Several weeks ago, I made a request of him. I asked him not to come until I had finished a particular project. I have not yet finished this task. I'm close, but it isn't done. Additionally, I didn't have my bag for the hospital packed. In fact, I hadn't even started to pack it until today. I also hadn't gotten a "home from the hospital" outfit for him. I know it's a short ride in the car to bring him home, but it seems like a momentous event. I really wanted to have something special to dress him in. I have second hand items that people gave me that would have worked. But none of them spoke to who my husband and I are, what our taste is. And for some reason, it felt really important to me to have his first outfit come from us. I am grateful for the clothes that we have inherited. Having them has saved us a ton of money at a time when we really need the financial assistance. And though spending $20 - $30 on an outfit that he may outgrow before he wears it twice isn't logical, it still felt important. I didn't find that outfit until today. Well, actually, I found it several days ago but my husband is frugal and couldn't understand why I felt the need to spend that money. Today he gave me the thumbs up to get the outfit & even upped it with a matching hat and a stuffed animal (also matching.)

So, if baby is sentient, which I believe he is, he intuitively knows that I haven't REALLY been ready. He knows that I am close to being completely settled and in a great place to greet him. But if he is intuitive, he knows that coming today would have seen me leaving ends untied. And really, we have a deal and I haven't finished my part of it yet. (I need to do that soon.)

I will work on my project in the cool part of tomorrow. I would be working on it now, but I have to have my feet up to help the swelling go down. I can't sit at my desk with my feet propped up and the ice bag on them the way I can on the couch. And trust me, I have Fred Flinstone feet & hands - they need help.

It was 96F today. It is supposed to be 92F tomorrow. We don't have air conditioning. We only have two fans. Furthermore, our main living space, the open living room, dining room, kitchen, have a wall of windows that absorb the afternoon to evening sun. When it's 96F out there, it's got to be 10 - 15 degrees hotter in here. Though I want to work on my project, I cannot. I have to escape this heat. Today we went and saw Kung Fu Panda because the movie theater is one of the only institutions in this area with A/C. Tomorrow we are going to a museum, because they too should have a system to combat the heat and normalize the temperature to a comfortable level.

Some people say that heat is another trigger for labor. Apparently, that's not true. Either that, or baby has amazing integrity and is keeping his promise to let me finish my work.

I love you baby.

Due Date

Today I woke up and went to my prenatal appointment. Today I am full term. Today is the date the doctor projected for our baby's arrival when she confirmed our pregnancy so many months ago. At the time, it felt like a date so far away. Through the weeks since then I have learned so much about fetal development, prenatal health & nutrition, comfort measures, and labor & delivery.

All the research I've done has been fascinating. But what's most memorable is the visceral feeling of bonding with an unborn being. I've never met my son, but I already know a little about him. I know that he gets cranky and squirms when he's hungry. I know that he opens and closes his fists in contentment when he's well-fed. I know that he is comforted by his father's voice & touch. I know that he knows that we love him.

For the last few weeks, I've been aware that he could come at any time. But now that the due date has come and is about to go, this reality becomes that much more punctuated. Each day that passes raises the probability of the following day's delivery.

So, here I sit, making an entry in a quiet home, writing at my leisure and for my own enjoyment with the vivid understanding that this life I live now is fleeting and will soon shift to a similar but alternate reality. Though I am looking forward to holding my baby in my arms and seeing his face for the first time, I am enjoying these final moments of personal freedom and minimal distraction.

It Takes a Village

Since I've been pregnant, I have heard an expression used several times in regard to child rearing: "It takes a village..." Conceptually, I understood this from the get-go. I'm sure as I walk my path into motherhood that I will grok this even more. As I approach the portal of change that childbirth is, I am reveling in the truth of this statement. So many people have contributed so much to my experience already: The mothers I have looked to for guidance on equipment and experience; the families that have passed gear and clothing to us to lessen the need for us to spend a mint on transitional items that are only needed for a short time; the co-workers, family, and friends who brought baby gifts to my shower; the women I am meeting in my community who I will grow to be friends with as we share this experience of having infants and toddlers together. I look around my house and see so much that was a gift for our coming baby. It is touching me deeply to know that so many people are caring for us as a young family.

I think that this is an especially valuable lesson for me because I have tended to be a very independent and self-reliant person since childhood. I tend to find myself caring for not only my own needs, but for the needs of others as well. Accepting people's help hasn't come naturally to me. It is something that I reluctantly accept when I am in dire straights and am fully aware that I am too sick or too needy to continue on without aid.

So, this is a lesson from the universe about accepting the generosity of others. Meanwhile, I am working to release the former habit of clutching to possessions. I came to realize during this move that I had carted some things around with me for more than a decade. How does someone have the same incense for 15 years and not finish it and not get rid of it? How does someone move an empty picture frame that they never liked in the first place from house-to-house-to-house. In total, this frame saw the inside of at least five houses but it was never used. These are just a couple of examples of things that I finally recognized myself clinging to for no good reason. Upon self-examination, I believe that the root of this was because of an underlying fear that I would not be able to replace these things if I let them go. I have accumulated a mass of things, and there is some feeling of security in knowing that I have them around me, just in case I fail in the future and am unable to right my footing and hold my ground.

As I write this, it seems irrational. I guess that I should admit that it is irrational, but it is also past tense. I vowed not to move that incense again. And that photo frame is already at Good Will. Additionally, I have gone through my toiletries and rid myself of the toothbrushes I collected from the guest houses in Japan (in case we had a guest and they needed a toothbrush) and the hotel size shampoos that I retained from Greece, Hawaii, and Thailand. I found a women's homeless shelter and delivered these items in a large shopping bag. Someone will enjoy them. In fact, someone may be grateful for them. And I am grateful to have them gone.

It's been a long time since I've had that feeling of lightness that comes from helping other people. I realized that I used to feel like that a lot; I used to perform many random acts of kindness to help ease the suffering in the world. As I near motherhood and I feel less inclined to donate money to organizations because our income is shrinking even as our family budgeting needs increase, I am happy to remember that I can give of myself in other ways and reap the rewards of knowing that I've genuinely made someone's day.

My Husband Rocks

Tonight he cut & filed my toe nails for me because I can't do it myself. (33 weeks pregnant.) I am so grateful for him.

Preparing for the Move

It's been a busy weekend. We are moving next weekend, and have taken on the job of painting our new abode in the meantime. My husband has finished painting the living room. It looks great. I'm a little concerned about the short timeline for him to finish the rest of the house. It took about 2 full days of work to do the living room. He has 2 bedrooms & the hallway left to start & complete by Sunday. Though I am supportive of his efforts, it's really hard not to prod him forward. He has a tendency to get stuck on the little details - the touch-up work from one room instead of the primer for the next. I love this about him. I am concerned, however, that he won't have time to do the rest of the job. In fact, I can be honest here and say that I can't imagine how he's going to do it. I don't think it's possible. If he had people scheduled to help him each day this week, I think that it could work out. But since he has only one person lined up for 4pm tomorrow - and his Dad's scheduled to come over for dinner at about 6pm...

So, I am packing up the house to free his time up for him to do paying work and for him to eradicate the brown that currently pervades the walls of our new home. (Who would paint shady bedrooms dark brown?) This is a bit harder than it may seem on the surface. I am 33 weeks pregnant as of tomorrow. I could be giving birth in as little as 5 weeks. My belly is now an obstacle that I move around when bending over. And my energy level isn't what it once was. I can't lift boxes once they are packed, so I have to hop-scotch around the house leaving a parcel here-and-there as I go, until D is able to move them for me. I'm making progress, but it feels slow. I just paused a moment to count how many boxes I've packed today. SEVEN. Though I wish it were more, the truth is that I couldn't have done more.

Today I:
Woke up
Made breakfast
Called the moving company re: details of the move
Groomed myself
Walked to the grocery store
Bought supplies for deviled eggs, as well as a few necessities pre-move
Walked home - carrying above groceries
Cleaned the kitchen
Boiled eggs for deviled eggs
Left them to cool in an ice bath
Walked to the children's clothing store down the street to get a last minute addition to our baby shower gift
Walked home
Wrapped baby shower gift
Coiffed myself
Went to baby shower
Came home with about 20 boxes - the hosts of the shower just moved
Packed 7 boxes
Made dinner
Ate dinner
Cleaned the kitchen
Blogging

I've got 8 weeks and I still have a ton on my list too.

• In Process - Make arrangements for maternity leave with my clients
• DONE! - Finalize the registry
• DONE! - Choose music to put on the shower favor music CD
  
• Go to my shower
• Buy whatever is left after the shower
• DONE! - Find a bigger apartment (we live in a 1 bedroom)
• DONE! - Pick paint colors
• DONE! - Prep rooms to paint
  
• In Process - Pack
• Move
• Unpack
• Nest
• DONE! - Buy car seat
  
• Install car seat
  
• In Process - Make a packing list for the hospital
• Wash baby clothes/blankets (NOTE - an experienced mom told me not to wash everything you get. You might not use it all and if the tags are attached you can exchange the clothes for something you'll use.)
  
• Pack for the hospital
• DONE! - Go to second "Preparing for Child Birth Class"
  
• Go to Breast Feeding class
• In Process - Read Nursing Mother's Companion
• Go to "Caring for a Newborn" class
• DONE! - Do kick counts per doctor's request (Doctor excused me from continuing since my kid is off the charts!)
  
• Watch video - Happiest Baby on the Block
• DONE! - Watch video from my doula - What Babies Want
• Second meeting with doula
• Third meeting with doula
• Get my hair done
• Get a pedicure (I still can't see my toes and I have ingrowns)
• Do KEGELS
• Send thank you cards for gifts from shower
• Pre-order birth announcements
• Address envelopes for birth announcements (they pre-send them with order)
• Buy nursing bras
• Buy menstrual pads
• Go on pediatric department tour
• Pre-register with the hospital
• Ongoing! - Make love with my husband
• Ongoing! - Sleep as much as possible
• Increase life insurance policy for my husband and myself
• Designate a guardian for baby in case something happens to us both
• In Process - Socialize with my girlfriends one-on-one (I've seen: Candy, Liz, Andrea, talked with my sister, Heather, & Courntey)
  
• In Process - Finish covering the dining room chairs (we've done 2 of 3)

Who are You?

Hit forward and place an X by all the things you've done and
remove the X From the ones you have not. Answer the 30
questions at the end and send it to your friends (including
me). This is for your entire life!


(x) Gone on a blind date

(x) Skipped school

(x) Watched someone die

(x) Been to Canada

(x) Been to Mexico

( ) Been to Florida

(x) Been on a plane

(x) Been lost

(x) Been on the opposite side of the country

( ) Gone to Washington , DC

(x) Swam in the ocean

(x) Cried yourself to sleep

( ) Played cops and robbers

( ) Recently colored with crayons

(x) Sang Karaoke

(x) Paid for a meal with coins only

(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't ...hahahha!

(x) Made prank phone calls

(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose

(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue

(x) Danced in the rain....well, played in the rain

( ) Written a letter to Santa

( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe

(x) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about

(x) Blown bubbles

(x) Gone ice-skating

(x) Been skinny dipping outdoors

(x) Gone to the movies


1. Any nickname? Maddie, Maddy, many others...

2. Mother's name: Judith

3. Favorite drink? Pregnant = limeaid, Normally = mojito

5. Body Piercings? Ear lobes, left ear cuff, belly button

6. How much do you love your job? Bookkeeping? Are you kidding?

7. Birthplace? Long Beach, CA

8. Favorite vacation spot? Crete

9. Ever been to Africa? Nope

10. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Not that I can remember

11. Ever been on TV? Yes, a couple of times. Once with Jamba Juice serving smoothies to Oprah's audience. The daily spots showed me looking like a smoothie-wench. Second time was on an info-mercial for skin care with Kathy Lee Gifford.

12. Ever steal any traffic signs? I was an accomplice. I never kept one.

13. Ever been in a car accident? Yes, more than one. I wasn't generally driving in them though.

14. Drive a 2-door or 4-door vehicle? 4

15. Favorite salad dressing? It depends on the salad. I like to make my own...

16. Favorite pie? Lemon merigne (I've been craving it for months. Dustin's planning on making one for me - such a good guy!)

17. Favorite number? 9

18. Favorite movie? The Ghost & Mr. Chicken

19. Favorite holiday? All of them now that I'll have a little boy to share them with.

20. Favorite dessert? GOOD pie - not Safeway pie - GOOD pie. Cherry, apple, strawberry rhubarb, blueberry, peach...make it into a pie and I'll love it.

21. Favorite food? I'm pregnant! It depends on the day.

22. Favorite day of the week? Sunday

23. Favorite brand of body wash? I like hand-milled soaps in yummy scents.

24. Favorite toothpaste? Anti-plaque Crest...especially when used with our electric toothbrush. CLEAN!

25. Favorite smell? Cinnamon

26. What do you do to relax? Photograph flowers.

27. How do you see yourself in 10 years? Good question. I'd like to be a home owner. It's hard to imagine 10 years from now. My baby is going to be born in 2 months. I can't imagine the world without imagining him in it, but I haven't met him yet, so I'm at a loss with this question.

28. Furthest place you will send this message? So. Cal. unless someone is traveling and I don't know it.

In case there is any doubt, I am the author of the following Craigslist post. See the response from someone below.

BART Rider

---

Reply to: pers-645287829@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-04-16, 8:23PM PDT


If you ride BART, please be mindful of those in need of a seat. I am nearly 8 months pregnant, and on my train home several people averted their eyes instead of offering me a seat. These were able-bodied people, not elderly or disabled folks. In fact, even when seats became available, people quickly nabbed them instead of offering them to the lady with a visible baby bump.

I was a little surprised that no one offered their seat. But I was even more aghast that no one on the train asked those seated to do the right thing. All it takes is one courteous person to make a significant difference to someone in need.

Thanks for reading my post.

Response received by email:

Subject:	BART Rider
Date:	Wed, 16 Apr 2008 21:47:11 -0700

Hi,

I am sorry to hear that no one let you sit down on BART today. On a positive note, though, you sound like a wonderful future mother.

Robert

REVISED TO DO

I've got 9 weeks and I have a ton on my list too.

• Make arrangements for maternity leave with my clients
• DONE! - Finalize the registry
• Choose music to put on the shower favor music CD
  
• Go to my shower
• Buy whatever is left after the shower
• DONE! - Find a bigger apartment (we live in a 1 bedroom)
• Pack
• Move
• Unpack
• Nest
• DONE! - Buy car seat
  
• Install car seat
  
• In Process - Make a packing list for the hospital
• Wash baby clothes/blankets (NOTE - an experienced mom told me not to wash everything you get. You might not use it all and if the tags are attached you can exchange the clothes for something you'll use.)
  
• Pack for the hospital
• DONE! - Go to second "Preparing for Child Birth Class"
  
• Go to Breast Feeding class
• In Process - Read Nursing Mother's Companion
• Go to "Caring for a Newborn" class
• DONE! - Do kick counts per doctor's request (Doctor excused me from continuing since my kid is off the charts!)
  
• Watch video - Happiest Baby on the Block
• DONE! - Watch video from my doula - What Babies Want
• Second meeting with doula
• Third meeting with doula
• Get my hair done
• Get a pedicure (I can't see my toes and I have ingrowns)
• Do KEGELS
• Send thank you cards for gifts from shower
• Pre-order birth announcements
• Address envelopes for birth announcements (they pre-send them with order)
• Buy nursing bras
• Buy menstrual pads
• Go on pediatric department tour
• Pre-register with the hospital
• Ongoing! - Make love with my husband
• Ongoing! - Sleep as much as possible
• Increase life insurance policy for my husband and myself
• Designate a guardian for baby in case something happens to us both
• Socialize with my girlfriends one-on-one
• Finish covering the dining room chairs (we've done 1 of 3)

Below is a TO DO list that I was inspired to write by a post on Cafe Mom inquiring what we have left to do before the baby comes. I was started Week 30 yesterday. Tristan could come in the next 2 to 2 1/2 months.

You wrote on Apr. 8, 2008 at 4:01 PM

I've got 10 weeks and I have a ton on my list too.

• Make arrangements for maternity leave with my clients
• Finalize the registry
• Choose music to put on the shower favor music CD
  
• Go to my shower
• Buy whatever is left after the shower
• Find a bigger apartment (we live in a 1 bedroom)
• Pack
• Move
• Unpack
• Nest
• Buy car seat & install
• Make a packing list for the hospital
• Wash baby clothes/blankets (NOTE - an experienced mom told me not to wash everything you get. You might not use it all and if the tags are attached you can exchange the clothes for something you'll use.)
  
• Pack for the hospital
• Go to second "Preparing for Child Birth Class"
  
• Go to Breast Feeding class
• Read Nursing Mother's Companion
• Go to "Caring for a Newborn" class
• Do kick counts per doctor's request
  
• Watch video - Happiest Baby on the Block
• Watch video from my doula - What Babies Want
• Second meeting with doula
• Third meeting with doula
• Get my hair done
• Get a pedicure (I can't see my toes and I have ingrowns)
• Do KEGELS
• Send thank you cards for gifts from shower
• Pre-order birth announcements
• Address envelopes for birth announcements (they pre-send them with order)
• Buy nursing bras
• Buy menstrual pads
• Go on pediatric department tour
• Pre-register with the hospital
• Make love with my husband
• Sleep as much as possible
• Increase life insurance policy for my husband and myself
• Designate a guardian for baby in case something happens to us both
• Socialize with my girlfriends one-on-one
• Finish covering the dining room chairs (we've done 1 of 3)

I wrote this the other day on my way into work.

4/4/8 10:37am

On BART, heading in to San Francisco to work a few hours at K&P. I just secured my ear phones in and started BT's This Binary Universe in an attempt to drown out the voice of a fat, old lawyer advising his client on his cell phone. (I would like to note that he was about 1/2 a car away and was talking in a manner that was almost a yell.) BT's music turns my routine into a movie as I watch the urban metropolis slide by to this soundtrack.

These moments that I walk through are fleeting. I look at my hands and I see the fingers of a strong, young woman adorned with the glitter of my wedding ring. Though I expect to look at my hand 1,000 times and recognize the symbol of our love there, the fact that our vow is so fresh and our love still blossoming into the full comfort of a seasoned marriage makes this time special. Couple that awareness with the feeling of our growing baby kicking from inside my womb makes this short time before everything changes even more sweet.

Even as I write this I am struck by the realization that my wonder will continue as our son is born, he grows to see so many firsts, we finally find and purchase our first home, and we all grow as individuals and into a close-knit, loving family. Truly, this is what I have always wanted, always been a little scared to wish for because it is so far away from my roots.

So imagine yourself here with me, riding a train, dressed up for work, watching the world moving quickly by, but feeling completely suspended in this amazing moment when I can totally feel myself in exactly the life I always wanted as a child. I feel so blessed that I have a little tear in my right eye.

I love you baby. You are the culmination of a dream coming true.

I haven't written in a long time. I've been growing a baby. I've also moved two offices, looked for a new place to live, worked with our accountant on filing an extension, had a major fallout with two family members, recovered from that, read a lot about baby products and childbirth, engaged a doula, and exercised.

Despite that, I've been thinking of writing for the last few days. And though I feel the need to log off and get to bed, I decided that now's the time to make an entry. If I'm going to get into the habit, I need to start.

I have recently joined a website called CafeMom. This is basically a posting forum for mothers of all description to network. I have signed on to several groups: Breastfeeding Moms; Cloth Diapering; Deals & Steals; Due in June 2008; First Time Mamas; Organic, Natural, & Simple Living; Pregnancy; Pregnancy Knowledge; and my most recent addition, Love Your Husband!

After being accepted into the 'Love Your Husband!' group I posted to the first string I saw. This is my Top 10 Reasons I Love My Husband list.

Apr. 5, 2008 at 10:38 PM
1. He's caring. When I just had a major acid reflux attack (week 29) he walked into the bathroom and rubbed my back as I heaved.

2. He's domestic. He washes the laundry while I'm at work. He cooks dinner. He takes out the trash. He vacuums. He cleans the bathroom. He makes the bed. I never have to ask him to do these things. He just does them.

3. He's disciplined. He is physically active every day. He goes to a trainer 2x a week. But he also rides his bike, runs, lifts weights, does sit ups, & yoga at home. All because he's made a schedule for himself and he keeps to it.

4. He's an entrepreneur. He is a working freelance writer who really hustles to make ends meet. His success is really inspiring to me.

5. He's supportive of me. If I have to work late, he picks me up and makes dinner. When I talk about changing jobs, he encourages me to do what I love. He's gone to every prenatal visit. And he totally participated in our "Preparing for Childbirth Class" today.

6. He loves his family. Crazy though they are, he is close with them.

7. He's funny. I don't always laugh at his jokes, but he's cracking them anyway. Right now he's singing a song, "I am the task completer. If you are a task, I'll complete you. Do-do-do-do...."

8. He's healthy. We both are. I thought I ate well before we were together. I've gotten even more into fruits & veggies since he's been around.

9. He's stylish. He has a personal style all his own & it's sexy as hell.

10. He's a nerd. He reads sci-fi and plays video games and dreams of making robots. Without these things, he wouldn't be him.

I'm Going to be on the Radio!

The CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Channel) offers "The Choice" each week. This is a by request replay of previously aired shows. After listening to this week's podcast, "While You Were Out" I HAD to hear the second part of the two part series. It is a documentary discussing sleep. The host interviews specialists in the field of sleep research like clinicians, but also includes a sleep historian and an anthropologist who is traveling the globe to discover the differences in how cultures have different norms in sleeping patterns.

I think the most interesting part that resonated with me on a personal level was the fact that different people have different schedules in their internal time clocks. These patterns explain why some people rise and shine early in the morning, get to work early, and go to sleep shortly after dinner while other people stay up into the wee-hours of the morning, dragging into work or school and only get really "into" their work as the first group are winding down and trotting home. They call these two types the larks (early) and the owls (late). The larks have shorter circadian rhythms than the 24 hours that we call one day and owls internal clocks mark a day at more than 24 hours. These differences in personal rhythm is partly inherited. If you are born to 2 night owls, you are likely to have a predisposition to being an owl yourself.

So, I jumped on the computer and requested the second part of the series. The Associate Producer has already sent me a script which I can personalize prior to recording my intro for their next podcast.

I'm very excited, mostly because I am seeing an almost immediate, positive response to my request. I haven't been feeling very powerful or dynamic lately. This could be the jump start that I need to start making things happen in the way I used to. A couple of years ago, before I met my loving husband, I was a go-getter. People would comment on the fact that every time we would get together, I'd have something new and different to report about projects I was working on or connections I was following to produce a result.

I want my child to grow up observing *that* side of me. I've become complacent in my happiness. I'd rather be happy AND striving than just sitting enjoying the view.

Out With the Old, In With the New

Yesterday I called Kaiser and changed my primary care OB/GYN. Though I liked this woman when I was receiving gyne care from her, I haven't been impressed with her knowledge or bedside manner during my prenatal visits.

My last visit was nearly two weeks ago. After listening to our son's heartbeat with the doppler, she turned her attention to my chart and said, "We expect people to have weight gain after the holidays. But you can't have a jump like this again." She smirked at me, assuming to know that I'd eaten too many cookies and had too much egg nog.

She did not ask me about my diet. She did not inquire about how much juice (or eggnog) I drink thought this is a source of calories that most pregnant women seem to overlook. She didn't ask if we eat out more often than cooking at home. She just assumed to know.

I was MAD. Firstly, I just lost 15 pounds from adhering to my yeast free diet (see earlier posts.) To summarize, this meant no sugar, no alcohol, no simple carbohydrates, no bread with yeast (which is almost all bread), no vinegar, no mustard, no mayonnaise, no mushrooms, no cheese. In fact, I had to limit my fruit intake - because that is also sugar. What do you eat on a diet like that? Whole grains, meat, and vegetables. What happens? You lose weight FAST.

In fact, I am hovering between 5 - 7 pounds above my pre-diet weight now, at Week 19. I would have been all-too-happy to share this fact with her if she hadn't pulled out her lance and aimed it at me. Try and find a topic more sensitive than a woman's weight. I can't believe that a trained medical professional who specializes in this work would take this approach.

Shortly after leaving her office I called my friend, Liz. She is now 8 months pregnant. Pre-pregnancy she was an avid soccer player who danced on the weekends. This woman is not fat, even at 8 months she's solid. She said that she had the same experience at the same point in pregnancy. She gained 13 pounds between Month 3 and Month 4. Then she gained 3 pounds between Month 4 and Month 5. Her OB said that THIS IS NORMAL. If her OB knows that this happens, why doesn't mine?

One more question that my OB could have asked me was, "Are you retaining water?" The answer to that by most pregnant women would be a quick, "YES." In fact, I lost 3 pounds in 2 days after that appointment. Could that be fat or muscle? No; that was water.

The odd thing is, I'm not overweight AT ALL. My friends say that I look like myself with a bigger mid-section. My legs still fit into my pants (thought I can't wear them because of the waistline.) And my face is still the same shape, not rounded. When I gain weight, it goes to my face first. My arms are thin. You can see my ribs, though I'm not gaunt. In a word, I'm healthy.

I told this story to several friends, to get their sympathy. Almost unanimously they told me to find someone else. They didn't like the idea of me putting myself into the hands of someone who was so reluctant to ask questions instead of making assumptions.

I thought back and remembered that I'd seen another OB several months ago when mine was too busy to schedule me in. I really liked that woman. She was young, sharp, and had a fantastic smile when she walked into the room. We had an immediate rapport. I found my spirits lifted by my visit with her, even though I went there with a problem.

Upon research I found that she is accepting new patients, YEAH! What I didn't know is that she is an osteopath (DO.) I like the fact that her focus is on wellness and that she knows about natural cures as well as western medical practices and prescriptions. I'm actually excited to go to my first appointment with her.

I'll check back in once that happens - if not before.

Family & Friends
Holidays 2007

It's raining here and I'm listening to Herbie Hancock's take on Joni Mitchell's "Both Sides Now." It's a mellow, melancholy piano instrumental with some light bass and a touch of sax. It's a perfect soundtrack to this gray, cold day.

My husband and I returned from our long road trip north on Thursday night. We drove from Berkeley, CA to Bend, OR. This was our first experience driving in snow pack and on ice. We had chains but neither of us had ever put them on before. (One of the benefits of residing in California over a lifetime.) I remembered watching the bus and van drivers laying the chains out and driving onto them as the first step of installation. My husband was reluctant to try that as the [inept] directions said nothing about such methodology. Fortunately, we found a man who I named "ice angel" who installed the chains for us. We were lucky to have found him. Though the highway was well maintained by snow plows, the off ramp and street that D made a wrong turn onto were not. There was ice and snow pack that would have prevented us from making it onto the freeway had we not be equipped with that metal traction.

We made it to Bend safely. It took us about 10 hours. You can't drive more than 35 mph with snow chains, it would have been impossible to cut down our driving time.

I think I need to make a separate entry about Bend. I tend to spew when it comes to discussions about my father. Though I have bridged the gap that saw us in radio silence for 10 years, this trip reminded me that he hasn't changed. There are so many instances of wrong-doing on his part, the pain in me runs deep and my anger is close to the surface when I think or talk about it. One of the main reasons I didn't speak to him for so long was that I considered it an act of self preservation. It was easier for me to live a peaceful existence and love myself and recognize the beauty in life when he wasn't even a peripheral part of it. I know that our trip north made both my father and my step-mom very happy. We brought the spirit of Christmas with us. We got a beautiful tree, we made Christmas Eve and Christmas dinner, we brought homemade Christmas cookies and gifts. But this will be the last time we spend the holidays with them. It was a depressing experience for both my husband and me. My father's flippant remarks and incessant demands took the joy out of the things we did. And once we'd finished decorating the tree, making dinner and cleaning up, and opening presents, we had nothing to do there. My parents went to bed most of the day and early each night and my husband and I sat around on our computers (without internet access - ugh) playing video games for lack of anything else to do. I did read as well, but I didn't want to devour my book too quickly. I'd forgotten my journal and didn't savor the prospect of having nothing to read as well as no place to document my feelings and thoughts.

We stayed in Bend, sleeping each night in an uncomfortably short bed in a room that smelled of smoke, mold, and dogs. After four nights, it was time to depart. We packed up our things (which now also smelled like smoke, mold, and dogs!) and made the drive from Bend to Portland, OR. In case you aren't familiar with Oregon's geography, this requires climbing Mt. Hood. Unfortunately for us, it started to snow in Bend just as we were finished packing the car. This translated to snow flurries on the mountain. Fortunately, by this time, we were experienced installing chains and the process went much more smoothly, even in the dark. We pulled into a gas station, the only thing for miles. The snow was piled a foot deep everywhere except under the awning. There was a truck parked out front that was almost unidentifiable for the thick white cover that obscured its shape. We went inside to use the facilities and grab some hot cocoa, and on we went. The Edgefield was the light at the end of our tunnel. When we arrived at the hotel, we were assigned to a large, corner room with a king-sized bed. We dropped our things and went for dinner. (By this time is was 8pm and we were very hungry.) We shared a tasty dinner made from sustainably farmed meats and vegetables and tucked in early for the night.

In an episode of "Hard Core History" discussing The Great Depression, the host makes the assertion that people are imbued with better spirit as a result of having experienced poverty and privation. I share his beliefs. I come from a "hard" childhood and feel stronger for it.

Though we didn't listen to this episode until the final leg of our trip home, I was appreciating the message in that big bed. Having to sleep with my legs curled (my poor husband is even taller than I) for four nights made me appreciative of that spacious bed in a way that I wouldn't have had I come from my own bed. It represented a level of comfort that we had become unaccustomed to and I relished that night's sleep that much more for not having woken up hitting my feet or my head on foot or head board even once in the night.

The ride from Portland to Seattle was beautiful and easy. The landscape is punctuated with gnarly trees crowned with bird's nests, rolling green hills, and cows and horses grazing. It's a very different scene than you see in California, which is mostly golden in the open areas that remain.

I'm sorry to blog a partial entry, but my pregnant belly demands food NOW. Since I don't blog with frequency, I'm concerned that if I don't publish this now, that I may not pick it back up and that this time will have been wasted. So, there you go - Episode 1.

Happy New Year!

M