Blogging

As I read over my former posts I find the editor in me is sharpening her red pencil. (Why are creative types so self critical?) That is not the point of the blog; imparting the human experience is.

My human experience right now is fatigue, so this will be brief. I worked 8.75 billable hours, ending at 9:00pm. I did not eat breakfast. I did not have a bite (not a bite) until after 2pm when I had lunch with the firm. I did not have any snacks today and didn't have dinner until I returned home at 10pm. My diet has been working really well, but this is in part because I hadve been resting and taking mindful care of myself. But this week I fell back into the habits that created this imbalance in my body in the first place. My body is feeling the effects of my old tricks. I'm sore; I'm grumpy; I'm resentful.

I don't know why I'm not a "normal" person who just decides to pack it up when it gets late or I get hungry. I have to hit a mental wall or find a stopping point that I feel good about before I will allow myself to walk away from the bills in my box and the client invoices that need compiling.

I feel like my work ethic is a compulsion. Even now, I want to defend it. I want to make a case for the importance of the work I do and the time sensitive nature of the tasks I perform . I know that I am more important than the paper I push.

I don't want to push paper anymore. I want to create. I am a healer of the world...not a bookkeeper...even though that's what I've been...